Elton John could be wrong when he sang “Sorry seems to be the hardest word.”

Recently, I realised “NO” is a very difficult word for many people.

Generally, I don’t like to say no. In the past, whenever someone (especially at work) had a request, I would say yes. A part of me did not want to burn bridges and I always try to avoid confrontations. I also try to compromise and say yes to help my friends whenever they ask, because I hate to disappoint.

I also realised many people cannot accept being told “NO.”  The word “No” is almost a dirty word, people take them personally even when the intentions were good.

Over the years, I’ve learned and grown wiser, thanks to various mentors and close friends in my life who helped put things into better perspective.

I learned that every time we say yes to something, we are actually saying no to something else.

When you say yes to working overtime every day, you say no to your social and family life and personal hobbies. When you say yes to a job you don’t love, you say no to a dream you may have. When you say yes to attending a meeting you are not even sure why you are there, you are saying no to another more important task that you could have done with that time.

Susan Newman, author of “The Book of No” wrote, “By saying no, you can focus on your goals.” Saying yes to everything can damage your reputation and hurt your career (and may I add, your life too).

People (myself included) should learn that saying no is okay. Recently, I said No to a couple of requests and immediately was made to feel bad. I was worried about being rude, seen as being unhelpful and not a good person. Someone told me “maybe you should just agree and do what you are asked anyway.”

The episodes kept me awake. I concluded that there was a reason for saying No. And even after communicating the reason, the recipients pushed back. (Aha, those were always tricky). The guilt doubled!

By saying yes to something I didn’t believe in, I would have to say no to doing the right thing and upholding my beliefs.

A very wise mentor used to tell me, “People (the smart ones anyway) respect you more when you say no to the right things.” Sure, everyone may like you because they can get you to do everything they want for them. But do they really have respect for the guy or for his time?

Now, go ponder. And then learn. This is not a post to encourage people to be lazy at work or be an anti-social being. This is a post of a personal reminder and a revelation that saying “NO” is not a bad thing. Learning to say “NO” is not easy but necessary and there are many benefits that come with it. Practising how to say NO in life and at work can be a challenge but one that everyone should take up.

Ah! dolce far niente!. It means “pleasant idleness”, the sweetness of doing NOTHING (in Italian)

It is the start of a new year. Many friends have been posting their new year’s resolutions on Facebook. I believe in having goals and working towards them but somehow, like many people, I have not been very successful in keeping my new year’s resolutions.

This year, I decided to make only ONE resolution. One that sounds too simple and almost silly to make it as a New Year’s resolution.

I want to learn to find the joy of doing nothing. The two key words “Joy” and “Nothing.”

Before you jump in to tell me how I should not be lazy (my mum would), I am not referring to being a beach bum, not finding employment or inactivity.

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.” -  Winnie the Pooh

The concept of ‘doing nothing’ sounds good to many people but something that many fail to do, especially Asians (and women). Many of us are so used to being too busy and doing too much. Learning to do ‘nothing’ or finding the joy and sweetness to just do nothing sound like an impossible task. Doing nothing is not inactivity. “Sit” around is a verb, so is “Smell” the roses but how many of us are actually doing that?

I read a great article in ELLE magazine asking readers when was the last time you really take a day off to sit on your couch, with a nice cup of coffee, read a good book and not feel guilty about not cleaning the house, not running errand, not attending to last minute work emails and just give yourself a day to just ‘be with yourself” and “do nothing much?” The article went on to say that women are prone to suffer from guilt for taking time off for themselves.

For a long time, I had been so busy with work and when I had a day off, I also had a long ‘to-do’ list – “go for gym training, go to the bank, reply ‘urgent’ emails, pick up groceries, meet up friends for dinner etc” Before I know it, the day off was gone and I was tired and upset that I didn’t get to REST!

Recently, due to various reasons, I decided to take a break from work (I realised it was a great decision I made in 2010).

A part of me is so eager to find the next new exciting role, especially when great friends and contacts are enthusiastic about sharing work opportunities. The wiser bit of me is persuading myself to just take some time off to breathe, enjoy this rare period when I can truly do the things I have always wanted to do but always too busy to.

I am convinced that doing nothing takes more effort and more determination than to rush around and doing many things.

I am not saying that my goal is not to work so that I can master the art of doing nothing, what I am saying is, I want to learn to find the joy in resting and taking absolute pleasure in idling some times (even if it’s just spending 15mins each day after work lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling and not feel guilty that I’ve not updated this blog or not reply to my work emails).

My pastor often reminds us of a great revelation he shared about the topic -”restful increase.” Key words – Rest and you’ll find the Increase. I am not going to preach here (follow the link if you want to read more about what Pastor said…).

To end this post, here are some pictures of my New Year holiday at a lovely resort by the beach in Bintan, Indonesia where I learned to enjoy doing absolutely nothing much. I eat, sleep, rest, read, stare at the sea, at the sky and strolled from one end of the beach to the other by myself, listening to my favourite music …then eat and sleep again..”

So, today marks the start of my new year resolution – in search of la dolce far niente. The next time you see me stressed and rushing around doing 1001 things, you know what to tell me!

2008 has been a strange but very blessed year for me. While most of the “wrap-up” posts I read are about trends for this and that, what’s big in 08 in the world etc etc. I am going to make this post totally personal.

So, here’s a quick re-cap of my 2008!

I have 2 more days to my 1-year at Yahoo!. It has been a fantastic year for work. Despite all the ups and downs, I make alot of new friends, visited alot of new countries (I’ve never traveled so much in my life) in 12 months and learnt alot of new things. Broaden my perspectives of business in the region and learn about different cultures in Asia. For a while, I was living out of my suitcase, my boss called me the “little road warrior”. While it was alot of tears and sweat, I had alot of fun. While outsiders commented and criticized about the company, I truly think this is one of the best organisations I’ve been in; with a great culture and I am very blessed with a fantastic “multi-cultural” team and most importantly, I found great mentors.
Socially, I have cut back on time spent on blogging in the second half of the year and invested more time with my girlfriends, family and loved ones. While I sometimes feel bad that I don’t update my blog as often, despite drafting several entries (that are still sitting in the draft folder), I am glad that I chose to take time off to rest. I do, however missed hanging out with the other bloggers and discussing PR and social media/ technology topics that are close to heart.

Few weeks ago, I agreed to co-author a separate blog with an ex-colleague, mainly recording blessings and revelations of God. Completely different from this blog but I see that as more of a journal-writing, helping both of us remember the blessings of God, despite the crisis and turmoils in the world.

Financially, 2008 has been fantabulous! I am crowning myself “THE SHOPAHOLIC!” From the Gucci bags, Tiffanys, to $10 junks and I’ve built a mini library of books! I’ve spent so much this year, which I have to significantly cut down. But again, I had fun!

Other highlights in 08 include signing up with WorldVision on the sponsorship of a kid from Thailand. I am very excited about it and see that as a long-term commitment. Shall share more if i get the chance in next post.

So, what’s for 09?

I am not sure yet. I am still thinking of “resolutions” but a few key things in the pipeline – Make a trip to UK and making plans to volunteer @ Habitat for Humanity. Pay a visit to the sponsored kid at some point and looking for a new house to buy!

I am looking forward to 2009, despite the financial crisis. Life goes on and I pray that all my friends are truly blessed in the new year!

How was your 2008?